I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
