apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
