love makes seman taste better
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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