i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize