This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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