Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
