I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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