Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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