I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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