A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
