Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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