watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
