I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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