I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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