It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
