So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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