I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
