Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize