i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
