I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
how drunk are you?
Several
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
