fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
