he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize