I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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