Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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