I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
