My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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