Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
