I accidentally burped into my bong.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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