I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
