i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize