I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I think your dad took our porno
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
