Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
