so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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