it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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