Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
