cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
