I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
