My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
