I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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