Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
