the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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