I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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