hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
