Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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