Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
