I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
being pregnant is like rehab
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
