What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
