i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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