At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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