Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize