Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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