Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
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