I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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