I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
