he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
