Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
