i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
