you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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