I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
