honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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