I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
