Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize