your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
