ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
