Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
