He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
