I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up under a house in Key West
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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