He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
