Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
