This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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